if only you knew. the love i felt for you and only you. i kept my feelings for you all locked up deeply inside. held on to every moment i had. waiting for you to turn back. waiting silently in the dark for you to come back boy.

HEY people! =) long time sinced i last blog huh. things are not going well. NO NO NO! wall are turning on me. it feels like fuck. flunking tests have became a habit..FUCK this ain't good at all! common tests are approaching. im sitting here as if still in holiday. REWIND. i want to go back to holidays. the fun. the love. EVERYTHING was great! now im stuck with history.. sads. the history of us. the history of you and me is all i think about. and daddy came back to singapore yesterday morning. SIAN. life's gonna be a bore. everything is moving so so so fast. its gone in a blink. like you and me. ended it the day before our 3 weeks. hmm. thinking..did i really do the right thing? just wish i had an answer. had someone to tell me what i should do next. so many questions yet no answers. just wish he would be like last time. going out with us everyday. having fun. now. his time belongs to someone else? i really dont know what he* wants..its just complicated love huh. just wish someone would stab me. and everything will just end HERE.

i dont want to lose you again. but every second you're with her. i know i've lost to her. to you, this is a girl being SENSITVIE. but you just dont get the bloody point?!

people. slap me PLEASE! slap me. why am i still waiting?! i need my wake up calls..now! please.. i've been through it once. i dont want history to repeat. the mood swings. horrible! the endless tears. the frowns. those laughter all GONE. disappear as he goes. never knew loving someone is so difficult.

sorry but. things are just not alright. i've lost it. and i dont want to go any deeper. i really need someone's guide. if you* ever read this. just understand this. is not i dont trust you. i trust you with my life! but its the things you do that gets to me. if i dont love you. i dont think i will feel all this.

you may never understand. no one will ever understand.
the fear of love; is losing you.
maybe everything was meant to be?

well.. pretty much my whole week was a mess. been rushing for classes after sch. pretty tight schedule. hm. well nothing major happen. cindy's been ms late in class? hahas. late late late. stupid girl. call also dont want pick up. the week was neither great nor bad... things are just different without you next door and always dropping by inbetween periods.

he's* just stuck there in my mind. stop drving me nuts. i still want to live. i cant seem to get a hold of myself anymore. im lost in you. but i know you dont give a shit bout all this. is it really a waste of time? but im hanging on. cause i know. after so long. you're still the only one i truly love.

i wish i had you again.
-hillary

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